no joke

I try not to worry. There is no point in it, is there? What comes of worrying? Only my own exhaustion, right? Nothing positive really manifests, I don't think. Unlike anger, there is no energy that accompanies it to channel into something productive. But, as I have mentioned to people who know me, I am concerned about my sister's health on a regular basis. I wish there were answers where there are none. I wish there was something I could do to make it better. And I don't want to be numb to her pain and suffering either. I am lucky to have her in my life and try to be grateful. But when I hear of her daily challenges, one after the other, each different than the one before, all while taking a million precautions and therapies, it just frustrates us all when she still finds more and more unpleasant surprises around the corner. Sometimes I worry.

Recently, I decided that I would quit calling Todd "my ex" and to start referring to him as my friend. He was once the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, although our romantic run turned out to be seven years long. My heart was absolutely broken three years ago when we it ended. But time has gone on... and Todd and I have made an effort to be in each other's lives as friends. I care for him deeply and we have a lot of mutual respect and admiration. So, for his birthday on Tuesday, we went to a movie (The Watchmen). I was happy to hear about what a good birthday Todd had this year. He also mentioned that he is seeing someone. He has been single since we broke up, and sounds like he finally met someone he is really interested in and vice versa. I am genuinely happy for him. He deserves it. It seems like the transition to our friendship is complete now. While I have dated since we broke up, I have been working through things as I meet new people. Todd decided to work on things before getting into another relationship. Surely his way is cleaner.

Taking time out of dating is something I have been doing recently. I have gotten off of match and have not been on a date since last October. While I would love to meet someone, I have other things to focus on now. So, a break is in order. I would be fine with it lasting a year or so. I need to set some personal goals and stay on track. There's plenty of time to date later.